Aspergers in our School

Connor has been called gay, stupid, arrogant, retarded, and weird. No one will sit with him at lunch. Lunch, bathroom breaks, and in the gym while he waits for his ride or for class to start are the times when these things usually happen. Which makes sense, there aren't a lot of teachers focused on individual students at these times; and with predominately female teachers, no one is watching in the boy's bathrooms.

Yesterday at school, a "peer" called my son "gay" and "stupid". First of all, those words are not synonyms. Second, he isn't stupid by any standard. And third, so what if he were gay? It is not what most mothers envision for their sons, but if that is how things turn out, I will love him no differently. I told him that. His response, "Mom, I love you."

Yesterday, a fellow classmate told him that a teacher said he was "weird." Personally, I embrace weird. However, my boy was hurt that one of his beloved teachers would say that, especially to another kid. If I find out that this did occur and was not a fabrication of his classmate, the school is not going to like me very much. A Zero Tolerance policy cannot be enforced if the teachers themselves do not follow it. In fourth grade, a PE teacher (before Connor's diagnosis) told him he ran like a six-year-old in front of his whole class. His teacher supposedly handled it and I left that one alone. Mistake on my part, but lesson learned.

Today, Connor cried and refused to go to school. I insisted he go because he could not hide from things that upset him. I assured him that his teacher was on top of it, as she and I have talked. She has met with the guidance counselor and vice principal to figure out a solution. I have yet to hear back from her on that. She has until noon because then I am going up to the school.

Connor cried as he got out of the car today. His eight-year-old sister told him she was walking him to class. She ignored his protests. She is popular and feisty and even though she is probably half their size, could probably take out any fifth grader who crosses her. Part of me is sad that his younger sister has to look after him, but the other part of me is proud that even though Connor sucks a lot of attention away from her, she empathizes with him and takes care of him.

Connor's fourth grade teacher had been going to read her class a book about a boy with Asperger's but she kept not being able to find it. His current teacher has thus far denied any need to talk to the class about Aspergers. Connor wants to tell his class about it so maybe they will understand he is not arrogant or retarded or stupid. I can see pros and cons. He has an IEP that despite our wrangling and having an advocate with us is largely ineffective because what we fight for are social and behavioral, not academic. We were told in the IEP meeting that the school did not know what to do with him since he is both Gifted and Autistic. I have been to the principal and then told Connor brought it on himself. I have contacted the school board and been told that the principal was a good guy and to give him a chance and the principal blew us off. I love most of the teachers at his school. I love the standards they set for their students and the achievement they expect. But trying to get them to take care of my kid's needs is like ripping out my fingernails one by one.

My heart aches for him. I feel helpless. I am not a fighter...but I am learning.