Mom Vesuvius!

I am about to lose it. Whatever it is, it is going to explode from within my head and chest and there will be casualties. And after "it"it is gone, it will still be here, festering and building until I erupt again. I am so tired of always feeling worried and scared and sad and angry on behalf of everyone else. I do, you know. I feel the stress from my husband who can't get off the midnight shift or get a better job right now. I feel the anxiety from the girls because they can't get the new shoes they want or because Connor is having another fit. And then any emotions I might have, well, they just have to get put aside. BOOM! And no one in the family knows why Mommy has run off crying and slamming the bedroom door.

These are not my best moments. Generally, I am a "glass half full" kind of a gal or at least happy to have a glass. Today, though I am having a much needed pity party. Then I am going to bed and hoping that we are all in a better mood tomorrow.

Today, Connor had a rough day at school. The guidance counselor pulled him out, a classmate made fun of him, and his teacher made him organize his desk by himself. Then he got on the bus and his darling little sister told him that the girl he likes and her friend think he is annoying. So when I got home from work, Dad is helping by playing on the Xbox upstairs, while downstairs, glitter has been spilled all over my dining room. As soon as I walk in the door, Connor tells me he has no friends and wants to be home-schooled or he wants to kill himself. He is ten. Do you know how heart-wrenching it is for your baby to say something like that? I hope not.

So, my evening has been spent taking care of all of the above which causes yet another argument with the husband because no one has as much stress as he does, you know? And Connor cries because his anxiety is through the roof and his sister is crying because she hurt her brother's feelings and his Aspergers is so hard on her, and....ARRGH!

Thank you for allowing me to vent. I could really use some chocolate. Or a margarita. But, instead I will go to bed now, and as Scarlett O'Hara said, "I'll think about that tomorrow."